Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving
Written by Sophia

So Thanksgiving is less than three days away. We all know that one of the biggest parts of Thanksgiving is reflecting about all the good things we have in our life. I think we forget about the good things sometimes and we focus on the bad. We need to remember to focus on the good, even if it the littlest thing, find something to be grateful for.
We all have something to be thankful for. But also its ok to not be happy with everything in our life.
I think though,that during Thanksgiving we should also reflect on the things we are not happy with in our lives. It’s ok to have things in your life that don’t make you completely happy. Because without the bad things in your life, you wouldn’t be able to be thankful for the great things either. So don’t just be thankful for the great things that happen in your life, also be thankful for the bad things too.

I think that you have to reflect on the bad things to be able to reflect with gratitude on the good things. Bad things make the better things better. It also makes you a better, stronger person.

So during Thanksgiving be thankful for the good and bad things in your life.

You Can Go Home Again

You Can Go Home Again
Written By: Karen

They say you can’t go home again.
Well here I am, back in Peoria. Week one.
It is interesting to note that I moved back in on the day the epic tornados hit.
Not sure what that signifies….
I have started a new job, working 9-6 , Monday through Friday as a pre-k teacher.
To say that jumping in to that type of schedule has been exhausting has been an understatement. I am completely exhausted. Mix in to that the emotions of leaving friends behind and trying to establish a routine here, and I am left feeling a bit at a loss.
I am thankful every single day to wake up in the same city as my children. Thankful that I get to wake up every day in the same house as my oldest child, and with two amazing friends, however coming home has it’s challenges.
With custody being what it is, I have to wait patiently for my days to come around. I can’t just see my kids whenever I want to see them. This is challenging for a mom who stayed home with her kids for 20 years and homeschooled them for most of those years. They have been my entire life. So to have my time meted out in little chunks is painful.
I am also struggling to find my niche here. In Chicago I knew my routine. Knew that when I went to class I would have intellectual stimulation. Knew which nights I could go meet my friend Brian for interesting conversation. Knew that there was always something to do and someone to do it with.
I am not a solitary being. I am not a sit around the house kind of girl. I am not a hands off parent. These are the issues I am faced with right now. I need to learn a new way of being. I don’t like that at all.
I need to be braver than I think I am.
I need to be emotionally stronger than I have ever been.
I need to explore now horizons, and check out new people.
I need to be open to new possibilities.
I need to take it all a step at a time, and know that this will not kill me.
You can go home again, you just need to realize that the you that you bring is not the same one that left.

“Coming back is the thing that enables you to see how all the dots in your life are connected, how one decision leads you another, how one twist of fate, good or bad, brings you to a door that later takes you to another door, which aided by several detours--long hallways and unforeseen stairwells--eventually puts you in the place you are now.”
― Ann Patchett, What now?

Child of Divorce

Child of Divorce
By: Sophia

Let’s just be blunt about this topic. It’s not an easy topic but it’s worth talking about.
So my parents this year decided to get a divorce. You may have had friends who have had their parents go through a divorce, but you never really know the true struggle of divorce till your knee deep into it. As the “child” of divorce you go through a lot of conflict of your emotions. You feel angry, mad at the world. You feel angry at your parents at first, feeling like this shouldn’t be happening. You feel sad, sad that your family isn’t a complete whole anymore. I think the number one thing that is the most conflicting thing, is how to feel about this situation. I’ve learned that yes, this is not going to be easy, but you cannot blame anyone for what is going on. You might want to be angry, might be mad at your parents for this. But the truth of the matter is you cannot. When they first told me that they were splitting up, I was filled with all sorts of emotions. I was first just shocked at the statement. Didn’t really know what to think about it. No one wants their parents to split. I was also really sad and confused. You can never know how truly rough a divorce is until you are in it. You feel a little disconnected from your friends who have never experienced a divorce. It’s hard to communicate how hard it is. Before my parents got a divorce, people would tell me it was hard, and you feel for them and want to help. But you also think; well now you have two Christmases, 2 houses, so you think how bad can it really be? Well now I understand why it’s hard. It’s a big learning experience in life. A new strength you build from dealing with it. No one really knows how to make everything ok when you’re going through a divorce, how to pick your life back up and try to figure out how to live this new life. It’s not easy in the least, but it has made me a stronger and better person

Let's talk about strength

Strength
By: Karen

“I feel like myself, strong and weak at once - allowed, at least for a little while, to be both.”
― Veronica Roth, Allegiant

It is time to talk about strength.
Over the last year I have had so many people tell me how strong I am.
I get that. I get that to survive and keep going it takes an inner strength. In my life I have survived a lot of difficult things. In high school I had to survive a lot of serious trauma. In my adult life I have buried two sons. And now the loss of my marriage and struggling to find my way, figuring out who I am outside of being a wife. I have faced living alone in the city, trying to pay my way, working and going to school full time. Not to mention mastering the public transit system, which is a strength, all in and of itself. So I understand that people thing I am strong.
Here is the thing about being strong. When you are going through it, you feel anything but strong. With everything I have been through in my life, when people would look at me and say: “you are so strong, I could never survive what you have survived.” I know it is meant to be a compliment, and encouragement. However when people tell you that you are strong there is an expectation. With so many eyes on me watching me to make sure that I will be ok, that I will not fall apart, there is a pressure then to be strong. Part of me wants to ask people to stop telling me how strong I am.
Inside I do not feel strong. I feel at any minute that everything I have been holding together can fall apart. It is like wearing a beautiful dress, and then you find a loose thread. You pull at it, and before you know it you have unraveled a giant hole in this beautiful garment. I see all of my loose threads, and it has taken everything in me not to pull at them. I know if I do that, it could all fall apart.
Half of the time I feel afraid. Some days I am terrified. Living alone and doing things alone has meant there is no one to be vulnerable too. There is no one to pick up the slack when I am exhausted or just need a break. It has meant pushing myself beyond what I think I am capable of. I know that this has only made me stronger. But there has been no time to sit back and just be with the pain and the grief. No time to let myself be weak.
I have always found it fascinating that the Pansy is one of the strongest flowers in nature. It can grow anywhere and survive any weather or any type of soil, and yet we use the name to call someone else weak. I have learned over the past year that I can survive anything. That I will grow anywhere, in any condition and yes, that makes me strong. But a pansy can be crushed, and so can I. I know now that I will never be defeated, but I can feel so weak and so scared, and so vulnerable.
Strength is not easily won. And the strong are often the weakest of all human beings. I think it is because the strong know what the battle entails, they know before stepping in all that they are facing and all that there is too lose. I think the biggest lesson I have learned is that strength is moving forward in the face of fear.
But even the strongest among us need a place to rest. A time to say just for today I can’t be strong another minute. Let me rest and then I will pick myself up and be strong again.

“When we feel weak, we drop our heads on the shoulders of others. Don't get mad when someone does that. Be honored. For that person trusted you enough to, even if subtly, ask you for help.”
― Lori Lifsey

Saying Good-Bye

Saying Good Bye
By: Karen

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying Good-Bye so hard?" -Winnie the Pooh

Saying good bye I leave behind…
the friends I have made
the city that I have grown to love
free concerts in the park
unbelievable food
crowded buses and loud el trains
the school that has shown me I can still learn
and the amazing discovery of myself that I have made along the way.
But saying good bye
I return to my three beautiful children
the friends who have loved and supported me
my family who is anxious to have me back
the familiar terrain of the town I know and
new possibilities
Saying good bye
I take all that is here
and tuck it in my soul
allowing it to stay with me wherever I go
All that I have learned, discovered and survived
The new strength
The new hope
The new wings...
all goes with me
Saying good bye
I watch the city girl I have come to be
disappear down the busy city streets
Saying good bye
I get to rediscover
who that girl can be
surrounded by the people she loves the most
and the people who love her the most
Saying good bye
does not mean I don’t keep flying
it just means the sky will change
and new horizons will be discovered

Good bye..
you have changed me forever,
and for that
I promise never to forget you.

“I do not say goodbye. I believe that's one of the bullshitiest words ever invented. It's not like you're given the choice to say bad-bye, or awful-bye, or couldn't-care-less-about-you-bye. Everytime you leave, it's supposed to be a good one.”
― John Green, Will Grayson, Will Grayson