You Can Go Home Again

You Can Go Home Again
Written By: Karen

They say you can’t go home again.
Well here I am, back in Peoria. Week one.
It is interesting to note that I moved back in on the day the epic tornados hit.
Not sure what that signifies….
I have started a new job, working 9-6 , Monday through Friday as a pre-k teacher.
To say that jumping in to that type of schedule has been exhausting has been an understatement. I am completely exhausted. Mix in to that the emotions of leaving friends behind and trying to establish a routine here, and I am left feeling a bit at a loss.
I am thankful every single day to wake up in the same city as my children. Thankful that I get to wake up every day in the same house as my oldest child, and with two amazing friends, however coming home has it’s challenges.
With custody being what it is, I have to wait patiently for my days to come around. I can’t just see my kids whenever I want to see them. This is challenging for a mom who stayed home with her kids for 20 years and homeschooled them for most of those years. They have been my entire life. So to have my time meted out in little chunks is painful.
I am also struggling to find my niche here. In Chicago I knew my routine. Knew that when I went to class I would have intellectual stimulation. Knew which nights I could go meet my friend Brian for interesting conversation. Knew that there was always something to do and someone to do it with.
I am not a solitary being. I am not a sit around the house kind of girl. I am not a hands off parent. These are the issues I am faced with right now. I need to learn a new way of being. I don’t like that at all.
I need to be braver than I think I am.
I need to be emotionally stronger than I have ever been.
I need to explore now horizons, and check out new people.
I need to be open to new possibilities.
I need to take it all a step at a time, and know that this will not kill me.
You can go home again, you just need to realize that the you that you bring is not the same one that left.

“Coming back is the thing that enables you to see how all the dots in your life are connected, how one decision leads you another, how one twist of fate, good or bad, brings you to a door that later takes you to another door, which aided by several detours--long hallways and unforeseen stairwells--eventually puts you in the place you are now.”
― Ann Patchett, What now?